Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
