uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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