Yo dont text me then not text me
She said her name was "party"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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