Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
