Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
