She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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