i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
