I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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