were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
