At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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