omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
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