blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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