Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
