Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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