every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
