wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
