I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
