I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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