im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
