my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
