Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
