May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
