I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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