Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
