He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Randomize
