I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
two words...techno handjob
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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