You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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