You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
