I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
