We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
