Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
