dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
