Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
