def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
