is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
