my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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