I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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