you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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