its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
