Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
