omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
