I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
