I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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