I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
