he was CRYING into my vagina
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
