it wasn't lemon gatorade
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
