are you still at the devil's house?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
