I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
