Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
