clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
