can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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