guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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